Swine flu. Run for my life!
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
