I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
