God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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