i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
