i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
