i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
