The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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