I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
