She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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