we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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