im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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