This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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