Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
