I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
