as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
