Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
