I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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