Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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