I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
