thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
