Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
