I wish I could teleport
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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