It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize