While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize