If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
