I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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