Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
