Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
