is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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