There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
