why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
