I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
