I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
