I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
