The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
