the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
