omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
