I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
