I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
they're like a gay fantastic four
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
