hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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