Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
