don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
