so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
