im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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