Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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