Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So much rum. So many feels.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
