I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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