weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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