I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
