I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
