Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
