I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
