His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
