hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
