pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
