some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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