She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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