I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
