in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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