so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
