I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
