Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
