After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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