it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
