Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You pole danced in your parka.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
