i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
zippers are such a cool invention
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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