even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Even my vagina gasped.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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