I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
