Only a mothe r could love this liver
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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