if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
