I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
