Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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