all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
