I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
