Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
