This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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