I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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