Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
