Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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