all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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