I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
