Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
